I HATE HORMONES
really? i liked her i felt she had an important part in harry potter
(I work the floor at an independently-owned menswear store. The owner, my boss, spends a lot of time at the shop, and tries to keep prices as low as possible to help our city’s large homeless population get good job interview clothes. A clearly homeless man is wandering around the store. The other patrons are giving him looks.)
“Excuse me, sir?”
“I think you may want to call security. That… bum over there, he keeps feeling the suits and muttering to himself. I’m just sure he’s planning to steal one.”
“Well, ma’am, I think that’s quite unlikely.”
“Oh, come on, you know how they are! I mean, I’d keep an eye on him even if he wasn’t homeless!”
(The homeless man in question happens to be Hispanic.)
“We don’t discriminate here, ma’am.”
“Well, I’m sure the owner would want to hear about this!”
(I give in and call him over. The customer explains her concerns. As a black man, my boss isn’t happy with her racism, but agrees to talk to the homeless man.)
“Excuse me, sir, are you finding what you need?”
“Well, not really. I’m hoping for something versatile in a dark or navy wool, but most of the options in my size are cut American style instead of European, which fits me a little better. Not to mention they’re all pinstriped, which I really don’t have the build for, you know?”
“I… yes, I understand. I think we may have some options over here, if you’ll follow me. How did you know all that?”
“Back before I lost my job, I used to be really into this stuff. I’m not looking for anything fancy, just something I can use to look good for a job interview later today.”
(My boss helps him find something he likes, and comes to the counter with him. The suit is priced at $87.)
*digging in his pockets* “Hang on, I think I’ve got enough.”
*to me* “Take my card. I’m buying it for him.” *to the homeless man* “Here. The suit’s yours, on one condition. After your interview today, you come back and apply for a job here too. Got it?”
“I… oh my God, thank you. Thank you so much.”
(Two years later, that formerly-homeless man is my manager, and has a little girl with his new wife—the owner’s sister.)
Those angry white people screaming, “Not our kids, not our problem!” at refugee children are probably the same people who scream, “But the babieezzz!!1!1!” outside of abortion clinics.
NEED MONEY FOR COLLEGE
NEED COLLEGE FOR JOB
NEED JOB FOR MONEY
WHO THE FUCK DESIGNED THIS SYSTEM
NEED EXPERIENCE FOR JOB
NEED JOB TO GET EXPERIENCE
NEED CAR FOR JOB
NEED JOB FOR CAR
GOTTA EAT TO LIVE
GOTTA STEAL TO EAT
TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT WHEN I GOT THE TIME
ONE JUMP AHEAD OF THE SLOWPOKES
ONE SKIP AHEAD OF MY DOOM
NEXT TIME GOTTA USE A NOM DE PLUME
It got better
*A guy and a girl walk in and order their coffee. They sit across from each other and just start talking. The guy asks her if she'd like to go out with him. She politely turns him down and says she's not interested. The guy begins to rant about how "nice guys finish last"*
I've known you since freshman year! I've been there during all your break ups with jerks and you treat me like this?
So just because you're there for me, I should date you? Is that what you're saying?
I'm just saying you should give me a chance.
Listen, I just don't like you in that way. I'm not looking for a relationship and I want us to be friends, and nothing more. I'm sorry, I just want to stay where we are right now.
Why don't you like me? It's because I'm not an asshole, huh?
You gotta be fucking kidding me. You seriously think I go for guys who treat me like garbage? I go for guys who I like, guys who don't play the "nice guys finish last" card.
I'm just saying what needs to be said. You don't appreciate all the things that I've done for you.
Oh yeah? Like what?
There was that one time I got you some pads when you were on your...you know....
OH, SO BECAUSE YOU HELPED ME PREVENT MY PANTIES FROM LOOKING LIKE SOMETHING THAT CLEANED UP A MURDER SCENE, I SHOULD TOTALLY FUCK YOU, RIGHT?
Please, just lower your voice, you're causing a scene-.
NO, LET THEM KNOW YOU'RE A FUCKWAD THAT THINKS I SHOULD RIDE YOUR DICK JUST BECAUSE YOU TREAT ME LIKE A HUMAN.
I don't owe you ANYTHING. I'm grateful for the things you've done for me, but it's hard to remain grateful when you act like an inconsiderate jerk like you're doing right now.
Do me a favor and get your head out of your ass, it's not a hat. Stick to a fedora like all the other "friend-zoned" guys out there.
*the whole cafe sits in silence*
*barista starts clapping*